Expand Your Philosophy: Privilege Is a Lifeboat, Not a Weapon - How Transforming Shame and Discomfort Creates Strength

Learned Wisdom
Written By Chris Read

Short principles for long-term clarity—and occasional epiphanies.

How can discomfort help us grow stronger in understanding others?

“True strength lies in understanding privilege as a discomforting gift and sharing its power to lift others and yourself. Wield it with compassion.”

“Gratitude and compassion transform the responsibility, discomfort and shame of privilege into a lifeboat for all. Unlocking even greater opportunities.”

I remember the moment when I came into my fullest awareness, sitting in the deepest fear my partner had, of what she feels when walking in a dark street. We were sitting in my car, late at night, and I was dropping her off at her parent’s place after a date. We were having an argument about the fact that I had to drive us everywhere. But she described to me with a scared and sad face how much terror she felt in the dark, how faces seemed malicious – even mine, and how confidence and strength could not overcome this fear that she was helpless to. So, I sat deeply focussed on how it must feel to be her. In that moment, it clicked, and I got it. Despite my deep caring for her safety, I could feel how unavoidable this all was for her, becoming my despair. I wept, openly, tears of deep sadness, the same dread penetrating my core – my desire to never inflict that harm while being lacerated in the knowing that those who identify as I do (“male”) are the primary cause of this problem. An epiphany blooming in my mind and heart, that this feeling and slice of humanity was necessarily uncomfortable.

Moments like this have repeated many times throughout my life with queer friends, people of different cultures, socioeconomic statuses, and demographics. It taught me the ways in which my experience mismatches theirs for good and bad. You realise that lots of power is given to us at birth and, as such, it is our duty to pay back this advantage and reciprocate to every person in society who is less fortunate. Not just for selfless reasons, but because it also beneficial for us to do so. There is so much to learn and leverage which will strengthen us. This is only possible through the necessary discomfort of realising that we have been lucky.

This is a very delicate subject for everyone – those who have privilege wish to see their accomplishments as their own, full of hard work and toil that has led to a better position in life’s game, and this may well be the case. Those who are underprivileged look upwards and see the gap between themselves and those who appear to be “winning”, wanting someone or something to assist them out of their current position. Both positions make sense, and when challenged cause you to use your position and privilege as a weapon to defend or justify why you are where you are. Unfortunately, when used as a weapon it does not serve the goals of (1) Helping people see your hard work or (2) Improving your position, respectively. This does not mean giving away your wealth or winning the lottery as these things do not fix the root cause of the problem – our entrenched misunderstandings and the resultant fear we have. The rigidity with which you hold your position counter-intuitively makes you weaker overall. Therefore, flexibility is required if you wish to be stronger.

You might have read my story and think I am daft, honourable or even outrageous (in the you will never understand sort of way), yet this is not what you could take away with you. The fact is that we are all privileged in some way, although not in the ways you may choose to think about. This is by no means to say that the position you started with is preferable nor is it about judgement of your position. It is to say, regardless of who you are, that if you are underprivileged in one area that this is not all encompassing. Despite this, you are likely still privileged in some fashion when compared to those in your immediate surrounds. This truth is uncomfortable for some, and that discomfort makes sense, especially if there are oppressive forces working against you. Acknowledgement of our privilege is the first step. But I would like to challenge the all-encompassing definition of “privilege” than many hold. The alternative is seeing people’s lives as complex and complicated.

When you examine what privilege is, you may consider it as financial (“the rich and powerful”). But it is much more complex and spans many more categories. Privilege spans from money and socioeconomics - to power and skill - to experiences and relationships, and the list goes on. Additionally, you may consider privilege to be a static immovable thing, but it isn’t. It changes over time. You hear stories of people who grew up in poverty and in their 40s ended up a multi-millionaire. Albeit this a rare occurrence in this example, as smaller jumps are more common. Their position of financial privilege changed for generations to come. Again, this is not a judgment, as acknowledgement and understanding of the ways in which we are privileged is important to understanding our uniqueness and what we have to offer society.

When you take stock of your privileges, they bring you into a deeper place of vulnerable appreciation not only for what you have, but for the life it has created. In essence it is what makes your perspective “yours”.  This is to say that all your longings, desires and the fact you survived up until this moment are predicated on factors mostly out of your control – your parents feeding you, your education, your social support systems, your traumatic experience, and pains inflicted upon you. This is not to cheapen any of these things, quite the contrary. If you can sit and surrender to the gratitude and de-couple your own ego, you will begin to understand the ways in which you have benefited from your sex, race, gender, socioeconomic standing, country of origin, parenting, and relationships – Nothing is ever “all bad” or “all good”. As an example: being a woman in a world made for men, is certainly not a benefit and yet inside of this there is opportunity for important and phenomenal woman to flourish and provide their unique perspectives to the world. It is by no means easy; life rarely is for most of us as we muddle through. But what privilege those women have and upgrade through hard work, they share and use for the benefit of those around them. They use their unique position as a lifeboat, and I implore you to do so too.

When you stop thinking about people through the lens of envying what they have and coveting it for yourself, you begin to see that you have been blessed. These blessing are the ways in which you are empowered to help your community in your own unique way. This is mirrored in the concept of noblesse oblige whereby your bestowed and earned privileges impart a moral responsibility to act with generosity, honour, and duty - particularly towards those less privileged. You have personally been chosen to provide your unique and honed gifts back to the world so that it survives and thrives. This is not to say that you should feel shame for your standing, as you were not consulted on where and into what circumstances to be born. Instead, comprehend this signal as an invitation for deep gratitude and appreciation for the opportunities you have now, right in front of you. True gratitude requires a little bit of discomfort through empathetic comparison where you acknowledge that both your hard work AND the privileges life have afforded you have created a preferable outcome. To use this privilege as a weapon only pulls you into weakness, ultimately bringing you to an unhappy demise.  

Gratitude and acts of creation cannot exist alongside outrage and the anger to destroy. If you find yourself being pulled into tribalism and the “Us v.s. Them”, find ways to create and share (literally) with those less fortunate. Sit in the required discomfort of hearing about how their world is shaped by where they started and the forces which work against them. Become a lifeboat for those drowning around you because we all drown in different ways. To use your privilege as a weapon over others is to hold the sword of Damocles above your own head. If you ignore the lives of the many underprivileged to service the lives of the few highly privileged, the many will always, always, win – dictatorships very rarely last indefinitely. None of us can choose the life we start with, sometimes feeling like we are acting out pre-destined paths. But do not be fooled by the false peaks of standing atop others. There is so much more wealth in this world to be gained by being a lifeboat for those who are struggling. Go forth and bask in the glorious discomfort of being a compassionate and privileged human.

 

Reflection Questions:

  • Imagine you had half of the money, relationships, experiences, and opportunities available to you right now, at this point in your life – how would your life be different?

  • Imagine you realised there was absolutely no way to grow your life in the way you want because people are actively suppressing or violating your autonomy – how can you best move forward with the people around you right now?

  • Imagine you are someone who you would consider to be impoverished – what are your biggest phobias and fears? What places these fears constantly in your way? Knowing that both of these things will oppress you indefinitely, how do you feel?

Songs That Embody This For Me:

Resources You Could Explore*:

*These are Amazon Affiliate links through which you can support the blog

Other Creations:

Chris Read
Previous

Resonating Through Shared Humanity: Embracing the Deepest Shadows
Next

Resonating Through Shared Humanity: The Rebellion Within - Embrace Your Truth