Resonating Through Shared Humanity: Another Death, Another Past Loved

Inner Sanctum

11 Dec

This is where the magic happens. Or at least the awkward self-reflection.

For those feeling burdened by the past and seeking gratitude for their journey.

Hehe, this again—another death always graces me in a way that I never truly expected. Hahaha, it is as though I die every week for your cause. You make me smile with this question every week—do you know why? Because you truly are thinking about me and what I have always wanted.

I am ‘future’ Chris—you know, the one whom you have always worked for. I think it only fair to say thank you and that you do not need to help me right now in the end stages. Enjoy me instead. Do not feel dejected by my words; I do not want that for you. I want you—my gorgeous younger self—to make every moment your own. Write and give and love and fuck—do everything in your heart.

I will give you this advice because you are more worthy than me. I say it because you have made my life easier and more full of love than anyone who is in my life. Such an interesting concept—that I am the most grateful for you. Maybe that is what I want to immerse us both in, in this last week of our being together—giving you the might to be so grateful to your past self for all they have done.

Honestly, fuck all the other relational pieces—family and friends. Not because they are not important but because they did not make you who you are—you did.

Who decided not to die? You.

Who decided to apply for QASMT? You.

Who pushed himself to get a PhD by 25? You.

Who, in the crippling lows of depression, fought to learn how to make a better life for his wife and himself? You.

Who is now sharing all the wealth of wisdom and love and creation with the world he loves and wants to improve? You.

Past you has done this—so many people will tell you that you should not live in the past, and it is true. Maybe looking forward at me is not the only thing you should do here. Maybe, much like I help you realise your future, you should help your past reconcile itself—a mentor to your past.

There is a part of you still who cannot see forward and who is lodged in the walls of the past. Move forward by chipping him out week by week. Do you want to know why you do not like celebration? Your past you—he still feels inept. And he helps to define all of the future of you.

Gosh—I am tired now. I must rest—but please give some love to all who you are.

“Maybe, much like I help you realise your future, you should help your past reconcile itself—a mentor to your past.”